My nipple is on Facebook.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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