Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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