Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
