haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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