Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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