i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
