Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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