We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
