Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
