Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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