Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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