i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
