so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
