He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
