She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
