I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
