How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
