You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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