I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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