The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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