in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
don't judge my taste in strippers
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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