My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
