I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
