I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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