I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
