guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
