I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
where am i from again
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize