I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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