The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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