Just cropdusted the office
Acid is not a monday night drug
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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