i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize