I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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