the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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