Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
