I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
