i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
