Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
