So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
