did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
