did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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