Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
