I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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