Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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