I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
