I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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