Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
