your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
