we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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