i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize