Tell her she can't have a vagina
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
