"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
