The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
