high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
