So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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