Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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