weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
