i don't like sucking hair
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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