my text book just quoted the cookie monster
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
