I'm laying in your front yard are you home
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
