i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize