I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
tell me about the fingering
Randomize