Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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