we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Hippo gnu deer
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
