Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
