grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
